Apparently Scientology has decided that the next avenue for them, the next area where there are a lot of suckers who will believe anything and have lots of disposable income, is NASCAR.

You know, I've actually been to a NASCAR race or two, and I really didn't care for it. Maybe a Scientology connection would help. I remember thinking at the time, "There sure are a lot of rednecks here. I bet they'd appreciate if I told them that mankind descended from aliens, and the only way to Heaven was through purchasing magic beads from the estate of L. Ron Hubbard. If they could only sit down for a few minutes, and talk with John Travolta, they'd all be so much happier."

You know, if anybody is going to make up a religion to convert the NASCAR crowd, it's not going to be anybody from Hollywood. More likely, it'll be Larry the Cable Guy and his Ten Commandments of Getting-R-Dun.

And speaking of Scientolgy, and nutballs in general, Tom Cruise and Katey Holmes have worked out an agreement where she will pretend to be married to him, bear somebody's child, and smile with a glassy-eyed stare, all for the cost of only three million dollars a year. It's like a Norman Rockwell painting come to life, isn't it? "Gay Guy Pays Teen Star For Vagina Rental" was one of my favorite of his works.

As my Grandad used to say, "nothing says true love like an annuity, compounded annually with an interest rate unattached to the amount of affection in the relationship." He always was a wise old bird.