-- Funny. Sarcastic. Free! --


 
NFL DRAFT TIMELINES:

2007: Brady Quinn goes into lockdown.

2006: Reggie becomes New Orleans' favorite Bush.

2005: Funny nicknames and falling QBs.

2004: The Great Manning controversy.

2003: The Bengals remain on the clock.
2002: David Carr's biomechanics are questioned.
2001: Ryan Leaf makes Michael Vick a Falcon.
2000: Janikowski, baby.
1999: The Saints give it all for Ricky. Even funnier in retrospect, eh?



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Driver 2

Congratulations to David Duval for winning his first Major at this year's British Open. And condolences go out to Ian Woosnam, whose great round as well as his confidence were undone by a two-stroke penalty for having an extra driver in his bag. Apparently, his caddie keeps track of clubs like a drunken Charlie Sheen.

The PGA Tour also negotiated a great deal this week, selling their broadcast rights for 850 million dollars. That's an increase of almost 45% over their current deal. And not only is the money better, under the new deal Tiger Woods only has to work on Sundays.

Even as NFL training camps begin to open, the saga of Ray Lewis continues. Lewis appealed his $250,000 fine from the Commissioner's Office for his involvement in a double-murder two Super Bowls ago. The Commissioner's Office refused to lower the fine, correctly pointing out that only comes to 125K for each dead body.

Fred McGriff turned down a trade this week that would have sent him from league-worst Tampa Bay to the NL Central-leading Chicago Cubs. In fact, on the Devil Rays last road trip, McGriff also elected not to receive a complimentary cup of coffee, spurned an offer for a flight upgrade, and became abusive when asked if he would like to "Supersize" his Big Mac combo. The guy just doesn't like change, I guess.

It was announced this week that the RJR Tobacco Company would drop its sponsorship of the National Hot Rod Association. Under the terms of the Master Settlement Agreement, RJR had to choose only one venue of advertising, and chose to go with NASCAR over the NHRA. This is something for NASCAR to be proud of, I suppose, although it seems a bit like being thankful for all the jobs provided by that nuclear reactor next door. Meanwhile, in a bid to replace tobacco as a sponsor, NHRA is looking at the manufacturers of alcohol, raw bacon, and radiation.

In hockey news, Eric Lindros said Monday he was invited to Canada's pre-Olympic camp. Flyers general manager Bobby Clarke immediately demanded compensation from the Canadian Olympic team, seeking the rights to two downhill skiers, Celine Dion, and Michael J. Fox. Team Canada executive director Wayne Gretzky then made a counter offer for a curler to be named later, Chilliwack, and Tom Green. Don't keep your hopes up, hockey fans.

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HEADLINES:
Detroit Lions Sue Charles Rogers For Impersonating An NFL Player
Aquaman Indicted For Role In Dogfish-Fighting Ring
Immigration Reform Bill Derails NFL Europe
Alex Rodriguez Plans To Leave New York, Purchase Canada
Daunte Culpepper Drops Daunte Culpepper From His Fantasy Team
NCAA To Investigate Claims Reggie Bush Given House, Car, Ambassadorship

SUPER BOWL
TIMELINES
:
Super Bowl 40
(Steelers vs Seahawks)
Super Bowl 39
(Pats vs Eagles)
Super Bowl 38
(Pats vs Panthers)
Super Bowl 37
(Bucs vs Raiders)
Super Bowl 36
(Pats vs Rams)
Super Bowl 35
(Ravens vs Giants)
 

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