I'm sure you've seen about Alex Rodriguez and his wife getting divorced, since it's the top story on every sports page, entertainment page, gossip page, and every other conceivable page. I read about it in this week's Highlights For Children, even.

A-Rod is reportedly seeing Madonna, for either sexual or Kaballah-related reasons, whichever is funnier. Meanwhile, his wife reportedly shacked up with Lenny Kravitz in France.

I understand that they're committed to nailing the celebrities of the 80's and 90's, but couldn't they sleep with somebody who's had hits more recently? Christina Aguilera? Usher? Lil' John? Amy Winehouse?

Strike that last one. Winehouse could give both of them diseases that not even the Yankees medical plan could handle.

By the way, A-Rod has hired Shaquille O'Neal's attorney, who was unavailable for comment because he was vacationing on a yacht in Turkey. Just for future reference, if your lawyer vacations on a yacht in Turkey, he's probably pretty good, and you're probably going to be paying for his next yacht somewhere down the line.

So, let's divide it up here and take sides. One is playing "Papa Don't Preach" with the Material Girl, the other is the "American Woman" for Helen Willis' baby boy. Who's the winner here?

Labels: MLB