-- Funny. Sarcastic. Free! --


NFL DRAFT TIMELINES:

2007: Brady Quinn goes into lockdown.

2006: Reggie becomes New Orleans' favorite Bush.

2005: Funny nicknames and falling QBs.

2004: The Great Manning controversy.

2003: The Bengals remain on the clock.
2002: David Carr's biomechanics are questioned.
2001: Ryan Leaf makes Michael Vick a Falcon.
2000: Janikowski, baby.
1999: The Saints give it all for Ricky. Even funnier in retrospect, eh?



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A Shot Falls In Raider Nation

Newly signed Oakland Raiders wide receiver Javon Walker was found in Las Vegas unconscious, after apparently getting knocked out during a robbery. Vegas police are looking for suspects, but have already ruled out the Raiders quarterbacking staff, because they haven't been able to hit an open receiver in years.

Ba-DUM-bum.

Anyway, good luck with finding who robbed Walker. It's probably the same guy who shot Tupac back in 1996, judging from the wonderful job they've done finding him.

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Running With The Pacman

Well, it's been a week now and Pacman Jones has practiced with the Dallas Cowboys, picked off a couple of passes from a third-string quarterback, and hasn't gotten arrested yet.

You know, when not getting arrested is news, you might have a problem. When you start seeing headlines like "Pacman's Trip To Strip Club Ends In Arousal, No Arrests," you know the weekend status quo has come to regulary involve the police.

Ranger Rogered

The Major League Baseball draft was today, and the Texas Rangers passed on their glaring, decades-old pitching deficiency once again. Even though it's difficult to remember a Rangers pitcher that was a household name for any reason other than being a Medic-Alert spokesman, Texas decided to go instead with a fielder.

Texas drafted Justin Smoak, a switch-hitting first baseman that experts compare to Mark Teixeira. Perhaps they should just set their sites a bit lower and look for a guy that is similar to Teixeira, but not quite as good. Tex stayed in Arlington just long enough to get his value up and become the face of the franchise, then Texas couldn't pay him and had to trade him for a catcher and a bag of dirt.

Maybe if he had tweaked a hamstring somewhere along the way, he'd still be living in the Lone Star state.

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HEADLINES:
Detroit Lions Sue Charles Rogers For Impersonating An NFL Player
Aquaman Indicted For Role In Dogfish-Fighting Ring
Immigration Reform Bill Derails NFL Europe
Alex Rodriguez Plans To Leave New York, Purchase Canada
Daunte Culpepper Drops Daunte Culpepper From His Fantasy Team
NCAA To Investigate Claims Reggie Bush Given House, Car, Ambassadorship

SUPER BOWL
TIMELINES
:
Super Bowl 40
(Steelers vs Seahawks)
Super Bowl 39
(Pats vs Eagles)
Super Bowl 38
(Pats vs Panthers)
Super Bowl 37
(Bucs vs Raiders)
Super Bowl 36
(Pats vs Rams)
Super Bowl 35
(Ravens vs Giants)
 

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