Reid Kerr's Fistful of Sports

Unpacked?

How did this happen?

Three months ago, Brett Favre is retiring. People are crying. The Packers are making plans to retire his jersey at the very first game of the season. Wisconsin people make plans to attend his ceremony in Canton in five years.

Fast forward to now. I think I can state with confidence right now that nobody knows what's going on.

Favre wants to play, the Packers don't want him (or maybe they do), fans are confused, Aaron Rodgers is laughed at, the commissioner is involved, and the Vikings are salivating.

Seriously, is there any other way that Green Bay could have fallen so quickly, so painfully? They went from 13-3 and hosting the NFC Championship game, to hosting a public relations nightmare that perhaps only Enron can sympathize with.

If the unliving corpse of Vince Lombardi had risen from the grave and started eating tailgaters in the Lambeau Field parking lot, it wouldn't have all turned this quickly.

Labels: NFL, Packers

WNBA: Girls With Balls

I think after twelve years, we’re finally starting to see the WNBA turn into a major professional league.

The women’s basketball league was originally founded on the premise of fundamentals. You know, things like dribbling, passing, free throws, the things that don’t show up in the NBA very often.

The walls are starting to come down. First, we had a couple of players dunk. Everytime it happens, ESPN and the other sportscasters lose their minds like someone gave birth on the court.

The basic dunk is powerful, but completely lacking in skill. Can you jump high enough to hold the ball over the rim? Well, you can dunk.

Now, there’s this.

Yep, now the WNBA is branching out into other NBA trademarks, including the bench-clearing brawl. Of course, if you turn a team of anything over to former Pistons Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn, chances are they’ll wind up in a fistfight. Remember, Laimbeer got his own teammate to slug him in practice once. He could turn a Boy Scout troup into a SWAT team.

So the WNBA is slowly but surely becoming the NBA. The next thing you know, WNBA players will be getting arrested for marijuana possession, and having kids they abandon.

Labels: NBA, WNBA

All-Star Tuesday...And Wednesday

Is there anything better than an All-Star Game? Fans love getting the chance to see their favorite stars from the American League and National League square off in the mid-summer classic.

Is there anything worse than an All-Star Game in extra innings? Good Lord, it’s after one o’clock in New York. Everybody just wants to go home. They’re already risking death by riding the subways so late, let’s let them at least get a running start.

This year’s game went fifteen innings, and almost five hours. There’s no other sporting event that goes five hours, unless you count a NASCAR race with multiple crashes and car fires.

The problem is with the pitching, fans want to see their favorite pitcher in the All-Star Game, but nobody wants to see him throw more than 50-60 pitches. After nine innings, most of the pitchers have been used. After thirteen innings, even the guys who didn’t deserve their All-Star spots have been used.

Here’s my idea, each league brings one emergency starter. He will be the pitcher in the league with the absolute worst ERA. After nine innings, both teams have to pitch him, and leave him on the mound until somebody scores.

After twelve innings, batters should get to hit off of a tee.

Labels: MLB

We Are All Made Of All-Stars

Checking out Yahoo, they've got an article on this week's baseball All-Star Game, and how the ratings for it are going to be awful. The article begins...

"When the American and National League face off in Tuesday's Major League Baseball All-Star Game in New York, there will be fewer people watching than there were the last time Yankee Stadium was the host in 1977."

Let me get this straight, the All-Star Game is such a failure that they can write about the disappointing rating of the broadcast two full days before the game is played? Wow. That's pretty impressive, Yahoo Nostradamus. I felt pretty good because I was able to predict that "Meet Dave" was going to suck, but that's even better.

Labels: MLB

A-Rod Called A-Hole, Gets A-Shaft

I'm sure you've seen about Alex Rodriguez and his wife getting divorced, since it's the top story on every sports page, entertainment page, gossip page, and every other conceivable page. I read about it in this week's Highlights For Children, even.

A-Rod is reportedly seeing Madonna, for either sexual or Kaballah-related reasons, whichever is funnier. Meanwhile, his wife reportedly shacked up with Lenny Kravitz in France.

I understand that they're committed to nailing the celebrities of the 80's and 90's, but couldn't they sleep with somebody who's had hits more recently? Christina Aguilera? Usher? Lil' John? Amy Winehouse?

Strike that last one. Winehouse could give both of them diseases that not even the Yankees medical plan could handle.

By the way, A-Rod has hired Shaquille O'Neal's attorney, who was unavailable for comment because he was vacationing on a yacht in Turkey. Just for future reference, if your lawyer vacations on a yacht in Turkey, he's probably pretty good, and you're probably going to be paying for his next yacht somewhere down the line.

So, let's divide it up here and take sides. One is playing "Papa Don't Preach" with the Material Girl, the other is the "American Woman" for Helen Willis' baby boy. Who's the winner here?

Labels: MLB

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Unpacked?

WNBA: Girls With Balls

All-Star Tuesday...And Wednesday

We Are All Made Of All-Stars

A-Rod Called A-Hole, Gets A-Shaft