-- Funny. Sarcastic. Free! --


NFL DRAFT TIMELINES:

2007: Brady Quinn goes into lockdown.

2006: Reggie becomes New Orleans' favorite Bush.

2005: Funny nicknames and falling QBs.

2004: The Great Manning controversy.

2003: The Bengals remain on the clock.
2002: David Carr's biomechanics are questioned.
2001: Ryan Leaf makes Michael Vick a Falcon.
2000: Janikowski, baby.
1999: The Saints give it all for Ricky. Even funnier in retrospect, eh?



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"Blindsided" Terrell Owens Doesn't Read Terrell Owens' Press

Terrell Owens claims he was "blindsided" by his release from the Dallas Cowboys in an interview with a Canadian television channel.

Owens, who was released by the Cowboys and signed with the Buffalo Bills shortly after, said he had been told be Jerry Jones he'd be staying in Dallas.

"You hear all the speculation, and you talk to the owner of the team, and he reassures you, you're not going anywhere and then, out of left-field & you get blindsided," Owens said in the report on ESPN.

Apparently, Owens workout activities don't involve Googling his own name, because "Terrell Owens Cowboys release" has been coming up like "free beer" ever since the Cowboys most recent December collapse.

Owens also said he believed that Jerry Jones meant to keep him on the team and someone changed his mind. Jones had no comment, but did say the move was based in part because of their trade for Roy Williams and their desire to make him their number one receiver.

Over the last six months, the Cowboys have traded with Detroit for Williams and quarterback Jon Kitna. How many pieces of the NFL's first 0-16 team do you really want on your team?

NFL Changes Safety Rules, Turns Players Into Little Girls

The NFL appears to be serious about player safety, possibly to the extent of taking the big hits out of the game. Owners passed four safety proposals Tuesday that will make the game so safe, you may be falling asleep mid-quarter.

Let me start by saying this, I'm a big fan of safety in football, especially when it comes to the quarterback position. Those guys are defenseless back there, and no one wants to watch backup quarterbacks play. For every Matt Cassel waiting to shine, there's a whole handful of guys like...whoever wound up running the Lions and Bengals last year.

However, the big hits and collisions of the game are why the NFL is the overwhelming number one sport in the country. Every time the ball snaps in the NFL, it could be someone's last play. Through injuries and accidents, the sport has an urgency to it that no other sport can match. Every down is a series of collisions and impacts, and let's face it, violence and urgency make for a great spectator sport.

To start with, they've outlawed the "wedge" on kickoff returns. Apparently the way we've been taught since grade school to return kickoffs is too dangerous to continue. If you get more than two people together, it's a penalty. We're a step away from having the return team link hands and play "Red Rover" with the kicking team.

Onside kickoffs have become even weirder, now the kicking team isn't allowed to group players together at all. The mad scrum for the ball on one side or the other is gone.

The NFL has now elevated Hines Ward to cult status, as he now has his own rule about blocking downfield. Ward's blindside hit that gave Bengals linebacker Keith Rivers a broken jaw is now a 15 yard penalty.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that everyone has seen that hit a couple of times. If you saw it on a DVR or Tivo, you backed it up and watched it again. If someone in your house was in the other room, you called them in and watched it yet again. It was a great hit, legal at the time. Now, it's 15 yards.

And the final proposal accepted involves "defenseless receivers," basically giving the center of the field back to the receivers. As I said, I'm a fan of safety but this is starting to get ridiculous. Going over the middle and the dangers involved have been a part of football since the first forward pass. That's why when you talk about a possession receiver, it's a badge of honor when you say they go over the middle. It's supposed to be the most dangerous place on the field.

To me, the guy who defined toughness in the modern era of the NFL was Ronnie Lott. Now, if you look at Ronnie Lott's Hall of Fame induction video, almost every highlight you'll see would cost him fifteen yards and some fines these days.

Jay Cutler Angered By Broncos Dumbass Trade Attempt

The situation between Jay Cutler and the Denver Broncos is apparently worse. After the Broncos tried to trade Cutler in a deal for New England Patriots quarterback Matt Cassel, Cutler got wind of the deal and was angry for the Broncos for shopping him. After a meeting between the two sides, Cutler feels like he'll be traded before the draft, although the Broncos are saying he's not going anywhere.

I'll say this, Cutler's protestations of disloyalty don't come off very well. In a league where Brett Favre, Joe Montana, and Emmitt Smith all changed teams at least once, a guy who's only been on a roster for three years doesn't have much room to complain. NFL guys with more awards, more rings, and more "Dancing With The Stars" championships have been dealt, why not Cutler?

On the other hand, I can understand where Cutler might be a bit ticked. The new Broncos coaching staff tried to trade their twenty-five year-old Pro Bowl quarterback for a twenty-six year old with fewer than half his starts, who may not be ready to be the focus of a franchise.

Now that I think about it, it would be like being traded for Jimmy Fallon.

T. O-Ver: Terrell Owens Done In Dallas

The Dallas Cowboys have reportedly released Terrell Owens, allowing the receiver to add yet another chapter to his list of times he's been run out of town.

Tack on TO's troubles with quarterback Tony Romo to the long list of personal and personnel problems that have plagued Owens' career. His time in San Francisco ended with him casting doubts on Jeff Garcia's sexuality, then his two weeks technically as a Baltimore Raven resulted in a forced trade to Philly, where the Eagles loved him so much they asked him not to come back halfway through the season.

Dallas is so ready to be done with TO's reported bad influence on the locker room that they're willing to take a salary cap hit of roughly nine million dollars for the season. Cleansing your karma doesn't come cheap, apparently.

Seems like it's time to wake up Al Davis.

Roy Williams Wants Out Of Dallas...Right Now

Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams, long expected to be either released or traded in the offseason, has apparently had it with waiting for the other shoe to drop in Dallas. His agent, Jordan Woy, has asked the Dallas Cowboys to make a decision on him by the end of today, Tuesday.

Woy has asked for either a trade or for Williams to be released. The trade market for a player who would eventually be released is obviously soft, but by the same token, despite Williams' desires, Dallas is under no obligations to not wait on the best offer, or any offer at this point.

Stay tuned. My best guess is that nothing happens today, if for no other reason than to remind people that things in Dallas move only when Jerry Jones wants them to.

 

HEADLINES:
Detroit Lions Sue Charles Rogers For Impersonating An NFL Player
Aquaman Indicted For Role In Dogfish-Fighting Ring
Immigration Reform Bill Derails NFL Europe
Alex Rodriguez Plans To Leave New York, Purchase Canada
Daunte Culpepper Drops Daunte Culpepper From His Fantasy Team
NCAA To Investigate Claims Reggie Bush Given House, Car, Ambassadorship

SUPER BOWL
TIMELINES
:
Super Bowl 40
(Steelers vs Seahawks)
Super Bowl 39
(Pats vs Eagles)
Super Bowl 38
(Pats vs Panthers)
Super Bowl 37
(Bucs vs Raiders)
Super Bowl 36
(Pats vs Rams)
Super Bowl 35
(Ravens vs Giants)
 

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