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NFL DRAFT TIMELINES:

2007: Brady Quinn goes into lockdown.

2006: Reggie becomes New Orleans' favorite Bush.

2005: Funny nicknames and falling QBs.

2004: The Great Manning controversy.
2003: The Bengals remain on the clock.
2002: David Carr's biomechanics are questioned.
2001: Ryan Leaf makes Michael Vick a Falcon.
2000: Janikowski, baby.
1999: The Saints give it all for Ricky. Even funnier in retrospect, eh?

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Lying Hearted

Detroit Lions quarterback Jon Kitna says his sudden return from a concussion was "a miracle."

People tuning into this space expecting some kind of "Lions winning two must be divine intervention" joke will be disappointed. The Lions have barely beaten the Raiders, then played an awful game against the Vikings and won after both teams pretty much refused to make field goals to win it in regulation. Two games, seven turnovers.

Don't look skyward to explain the Detroit Lions. Heaven ain't got nothing to do with it. Watching a Lions game in the Matt Millen era is still pure Hell, and for Catholic fans, will count as time served in Purgatory.

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posted by Reid @ 11:29 PM  0 comments

Steel Breeze

A sad day at the Fistful of Sports offices. Bill Cowher has stepped down from the Pittsburgh Steelers after 15 years on the job. On the brighter side of things, Nick Saban has now been coach of Alabama for a whole 48 hours without leaving, so I guess when God closes a door, he opens a window.

I also read that Detroit Lions general manager Matt Millen is interviewed in interviewing Bill Cowher's mustache for the Lions head coaching job.

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posted by Reid @ 5:51 PM  0 comments

Lion Eyes

Fans of the Detroit Lions have planned a protest against their horrible, horrible team. I can understand why they're upset, under general mismanager Matt Millen they've been unflinchingly awful since 2001. His firm committment to drafting a wide receiver in the first round every year just hasn't translated into wins.

Lions fans are going to walk out on the last game with 8:57 left in the second quarter. However, just like the Lions plans, this doesn't make any sense.

Let me make sure I've got this. If I'm going to protest the Lions, I have to spend a hundred bucks on a ticket, get up early, buy gas and drive downtown to Ford Field, pay to park, sit there for a few hours, buy a hot dog and soda while I'm waiting, and then wait for halfway through with the second quarter so I can get up, walk out, go home, and watch the game on television?

I've got a better idea, why don't you just mail the Lions a check for two hundred dollars and sleep late on Sunday? It'll serve the same purpose.

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posted by Reid @ 3:34 PM  0 comments

Lion Eyes

The Detroit Lions say if their season were to start today, Jon Kitna would be their starter at quarterback. I think I see some of the problems they've been having for the last decade. The Lions seem way too interested in getting ready to win those all-important March NFL games. You guys go ahead and relax for a while, and don't even worry about washing the jerseys and shining the helmets for another couple of months. Don't stress announcing a starting lineup for the April opener.

Lions coach Rod Marinelli also says with five QBs current on the roster, he doesn't see Detroit taking another quarterback in the upcoming NFL Draft. Whew, that's a stunner. Thank goodness the Lions aren't going to panic, and will stick to their plan of drafting wide receivers every first round until they make the playoffs again.

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posted by Reid @ 1:25 AM  0 comments

The Great Broken QB Rush Of '06

Daunte Culpepper has won the "Damaged Goods Quarterback Sweepstakes," taking his severely damaged knee and going to the Miami Dolphins. This leaves Drew Brees and his barely-functional shoulder to go to the similarly barely-functional Saints. The Lions responded by signing Jon Kitna, who is handicapped by being Jon Kitna.

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posted by Reid @ 1:50 PM  0 comments

 

HEADLINES:
Detroit Lions Sue Charles Rogers For Impersonating An NFL Player
Aquaman Indicted For Role In Dogfish-Fighting Ring
Immigration Reform Bill Derails NFL Europe
Alex Rodriguez Plans To Leave New York, Purchase Canada
Daunte Culpepper Drops Daunte Culpepper From His Fantasy Team
NCAA To Investigate Claims Reggie Bush Given House, Car, Ambassadorship
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Super Bowl 35
(Ravens vs Giants)
 

The Fistful of Sports Web Site is a forum for open discussion on the world of sports, pop culture, and society in general. The opinions expressed on this web site are those of the authors of the respective pieces. As with all humorous writing, please take this site with a grain of salt, and remember to play nice with others. The Fistful is always looking for contributors. For more information, send an email to Reid Kerr. All rights reserved. The Fistful of Sports web site and column are owned and operated by Reid Kerr.