Well, we're into football season. My newspaper's "Stats At A Glance" section says Vinny Testaverde, Curtis Martin, and Jerome Bettis all had great games. That led me to check to see if I hadn't thrown out the trash for six years, and see if I was reading a sports section from 1998.

Tampa Bay receiver Joey Galloway dropped a touchdown pass, and knocked himself out for several weeks with an injury. As Dallas fans can verify, this means Galloway is already in mid- season form.

Fistful Fantasy Football Tip: Try and trade for Daunte Culpepper. Offer Jay Fiedler, Rex Grossman, a player to be named later, a kidney, naming rights to your house, a free ride on Boardwalk, and whatever else you can find.

I watched the first episode of "The Benefactor," the reality TV show where Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban makes people do weird stunts. He cut a girl for refusing to play air guitar, then another because she lost a game of Jenga. Finally, he challenged them to play defense, and wound up cutting Christian Laettner.

It's a very strange show where for a million dollars, sixteen people put themselves at the whim of Cuban. I can see why he wanted to do this, though. For a relatively small investment, he gets to toy with reality. It's like Cuban's own personal SIMS game.

Just in case any of you were locked in a bio-dome for the last few months, ESPN celebrated it's twenty-fifth anniversary. In honor of itself, the network announced the greatest everythings of the last twenty-five years. See, that's what's wrong with America. ESPN is only paying attention to things that occurred during its lifetime. What kind of attitude is that? "If it happened before I was born, dude, it doesn't matter." Super Bowl III? Never happened. Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth? Their records are history, brother. Muhammad Ali who?

This kind of lack of attention to history is why our kids are so stupid, and they think Henry Kissinger would make a great name for an emo band. High school students not only don't remember Vietnam, they haven't even watched "Platoon."

Texas Rangers reliever Frank Francisco was arrested last night in Oakland after throwing a chair at a fan, and accidentally breaking another woman's nose in the crowd. That's just par for the course for the Rangers bullpen. They've struggled with their accuracy all season.

Mets manager Art Howe wants to be fired immediately. At least Mets fans and management have all found something they can agree on.

Reports say Howe will be let go at the end of the season, and he says he doesn't want to wait. The Mets have finished last in the NL East the last two years, and lead last-place Montreal by two and a half games this season. While that kind of improvement gets noticed in Kansas City, it will get you canned in New York.

And speaking of Montreal, the hurricanes caused Major League Baseball to move the Expos-Marlins series to Chicago. That settles it, baseball must be performing top-secret stress tests on the Expos on behalf of the Pentagon. They play their home games in two different countries, neither of them America. Now they're even playing their road games in randomly selected cities. Next, they'll make them travel to away games in the van from "Bad News Bears In Breaking Training."

It's a new tradition for NASCAR. This year, the top ten points leaders will compete for the Nextel Cup in the "Chase For The Championship." While they go for the prize, the other drivers will be competing in the "Detroit Tigers Invitational."

Labels: Bucs, ESPN, Mavericks, MLB, NASCAR, NFL