Reid Kerr's Fistful of Sports

The Clinton Diaries

Now, after all the trouble that Michael Vick has gone to to thoroughly self-destruct his career (dog fighting, drugs, herpes), leave it to Clinton Portis to throw a monkey wrench in it.

"I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog," Redskins running back Portis said. "If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business."

Thanks for making a relevant point, CP. People should stick to their own houses, and leave felony criminals alone. Rapists, murders, arms dealers, all of whom should be left to their own devices in Clinton Portis's America.

Redskins offensive lineman Chris Samuels wisely said "You can't accuse this man of something and go ahead and throw the book at him right now. He's got to be convicted first, and I don't think that's fair."

That's completely true. Vick hasn't been proven guilty of anything yet. However, Portis has gone the extra mile to let us know he's proud of his roots as a animal cruelty-loving fucktard.

Labels: NFL, Redskins, Vick

The Smurfs, Part Deux

Washington has really helped themselves offensively in free agency, getting wide receivers David Patten, Brandon Lloyd, and Antwan Randle El to go along with Santana Moss. This will give them the power to flood the field at any time with multiple receiver sets where no one is any taller than 6'0".

Seriously, why stock up on exactly the same guy over and over again? You've got four guys within two inches and eight pounds of each other. I can only guess they're going to line them all up in a stack, make them wear the same number, and hope defenses get confused as to which midget they're supposed to be covering.

Labels: NFL, Redskins

Twenty-One Questions

With the NFL season beginning tonight, and a new season of the Fistful of Sports starting as well, time for a few questions on what to expect.

Which Randy Moss are we getting? Can we count on the odd-year Moss that goes deep every time he's on the field and punishes every team that failed to draft him? Or is this an even-year Moss, where he sulks and takes plays off and gives cops free
rides on the hood of his car?

If and when Vinny Testaverde goes down, are the Dallas Cowboys prepared to replace him with a quarterback of similar ability, like say Steve Deberg or Dave Kreig?

Is this the year Marvin Harrison gets the respect he deserves,
or will he have to make an ass of himself in the endzone
before we recognize him? And speaking of that, how's Joe
Horn's mom?

Would most football fans allow Terrell Owens to call them gay
if it meant they could date a Playboy Playmate just like Jeff
Garcia?

Will Terrell Owens be upset when Donovan McNabb spikes the
football to stop the clock, even though McNabb knew TO was
open?

Does Rush Limbaugh think the media wants us all to draft
McNabb for our fantasy football leagues?

In the crowd shots at Niners games, what percentage of San
Francisco fans will be wearing outdated jerseys?

If Ray Lewis asked you to come back and play cornerback with
the Ravens, would you do it? If Ray Lewis asked you to drive
off and not talk to the cops, would you do it?

Will Jamal Lewis go to trial, and if so, does that count as
an audition for season two of "Playmakers?"

Will the Redskins tire of Joe Gibbs breaking practice early
every afternoon so he can make the Early Bird Special at
Denny's?

Is this the year we finally know the name of somebody who
plays offense for Chicago?

By the end of the year, who will hate Kellen Winslow Jr. more,
his AFC rivals or his Cleveland teammates?

After putting Emmitt Smith down two years ago and then being
unable to outrush him last year, is this season a special kind
of hell for new Arizona backup running back Troy Hambrick?

Would you go to a party thrown by Ricky Williams and Quincy
Carter? And if so, would you remember to designate a driver
for your late-night munchies run to Taco Bell?

Who will Miami unsuccessfully try and replace Jay Fiedler
with next year? And for that matter, has any NFL player fallen
back down the ladder as fast as Brian Griese?

Will David Boston still roll up his sleeves and oil his biceps
in street clothes on the sidelines?

Would anyone blame Dave Wannstedt if he started drinking out
of a paper bag on the Dolphins sidelines?

Is Joe Nedney ever going to outlive the curse put on him by
Steelers fans after he faked that roughing the kicker penalty
in the playoffs two years ago?

Would Archie Manning refuse to allow Eli to be drafted by Alex
Spanos' fantasy football team?

Will Falcons quarterback Michael Vick show us it doesn't
matter how many snaps you take in preseason? Or really that
it doesn't matter what play you call, what routes they run,
or what the defense stunts?

Is Doug Flutie still in the league? Really?

Labels: Cowboys, Dolphins, Falcons, NFL, Redskins, TO

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