Reid Kerr's Fistful of Sports

The Falcon In Winter

Falcons cornerback DeAngelo Hall said he and other Falcons plan to visit dogfighting quarterback and felon Michael Vick in prison in January. Say what you want about Atlanta, but at least when you play for the Falcons you know your teammates will visit you in jail.

And that you will always have your January free for travel and vacation.

Labels: Falcons, NFL, Vick

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Reid Kerr's Fistful of Sports is on vacation this week, and will return next week. For those of you who are curious, that's why I haven't raged against Michael Vick this week.

Seriously, though, have the Atlanta Falcons ever done anything right? This franchise is just cursed. Think of this, they've never had back-to-back winning seasons. Never. Never ever. Even when they won the NFC and went to the Super Bowl, they still found a way to pull it out and go 5-11 the next season.

They've had the most exciting man in pro football (and in dog fighting, apparently) for four years, and have somehow managed to parlay that into absolutely nothing, and are winding it up by losing him in a scandal so disgusting, even in the sometimes horrifying nature of the sports world, it is totally unique.

If the Falcons were a movie, they'd be "Major League 2." They'd do the exact same thing that worked last time, and fail horribly at it.

Labels: Falcons, NFL, Vick

Christians Throw Vick To Lions

The dog-fightingest NFL quarterback Michael Vick won't be recognized by the Southern Christian Leadership Convention at their convention this week.

I'm a bit confused. Isn't Vick pretty much already a leader, just of dogfighters? If you were going to try and help out the youth of America, wouldn't it be better to bring in their diabolical leader and try and convince him to stop building dogfighting rings?

If you had the chance to save Lex Luthor, don't you think it might wind up helping the whole Legion of Doom?

Labels: Falcons, NFL, Vick

You Don't Know Jackass

Word has come down that a scheduled match at WWE's Summerslam Pay-Per-View featuring the guys from Jackass has been cancelled. That's certainly not a good sign for professional wrestling, is it? When grown men who make their livings stapling things to themselves and defecating in public don't want to sully their good name by associating with the industry of pro wrestling, the future ain't looking too bright. When porn stars won't take free tickets because they don't want to appear low-rent, you're in trouble.

Worse still, another professional wrestling organization has reportedly signed Titans ne'er-do-well Pac-Man Jones. I can't wait for his first "Strip-Club Shootout Match." Better yet, bring in Michael Vick for a dog-collar match. Or how about a battle royal between Pac-Man, Vick, and the entire Cincinatti Bengals team that only ends when Tank Johnson drunkenly drives his SUV through the ring, then gets out and opens fire on the survivors to make sure there were no witnesses? Then when he's done, out of nowhere Barry Bonds repels down into the ring and cleans house with a baseball bat, then his head explodes.

I can't wait.

Labels: Bengals, NFL, Titans, Vick, WWE

Charity Balls

Times are tough for everybody it seems. I saw today that Falcons quarterback Michael Vick's benefit event for Virginia Tech had to be postponed because of all the bad publicity he's been getting. No word on when "Dog-Fight-A-Palooza" will be rescheduled. Hopefully it's not on the same night as Pac-Man Jones' "Strip Club Shootout For Seniors" benefit or the "Cincinnati Bengals Drunk-Drivers For Christ Jamboree." I'd hate to have to choose between the events.

Labels: Bengals, NFL, Titans, Vick

The Clinton Diaries

Now, after all the trouble that Michael Vick has gone to to thoroughly self-destruct his career (dog fighting, drugs, herpes), leave it to Clinton Portis to throw a monkey wrench in it.

"I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog," Redskins running back Portis said. "If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business."

Thanks for making a relevant point, CP. People should stick to their own houses, and leave felony criminals alone. Rapists, murders, arms dealers, all of whom should be left to their own devices in Clinton Portis's America.

Redskins offensive lineman Chris Samuels wisely said "You can't accuse this man of something and go ahead and throw the book at him right now. He's got to be convicted first, and I don't think that's fair."

That's completely true. Vick hasn't been proven guilty of anything yet. However, Portis has gone the extra mile to let us know he's proud of his roots as a animal cruelty-loving fucktard.

Labels: NFL, Redskins, Vick

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The Falcon In Winter

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Christians Throw Vick To Lions

You Don't Know Jackass

Charity Balls

The Clinton Diaries