Reid Kerr's Fistful of Sports

In baseball news this week, the Seattle Mariners, who are more than fifty games over .500, received official permission from Major League Baseball to start selling postseason tickets. In other news, the New York Yankees have received permission from Major League Baseball to start planning their victory parade.

Former L.A. Xtreme and current Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Damon Gibson was quoted this week as saying XFL officials have told their players they'll have to buy their own championship rings. I guess that makes it official, everyone wants to forget the XFL. League management had the same long-term commitment to quality that you normally see from sweatshop owners.

Cleveland Browns defensive back Corey Fuller allegedly tried to bribe a police officer this past week after Fuller pulled into a Cleveland intersection and refused to move until the officers let him turn the way he wanted. Reports claim Fuller blocked traffic for about eight minutes, and refused several requests to move. Because of the bribery charge, this case has been turned over to the police department's intelligence unit, where they will certainly return a finding of "none here whatsoever."

The Tony Banks era in Dallas lasted exactly two preseason games, as the Cowboys cut him last week. Cowboys fans may astutely point out it only took the Cowboys a few weeks to determine what it took Baltimore half a season to learn. Of course, the Redskins haven't learned the lesson yet. How does the old parable go? "I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who signed Tony Banks."

True story from this week. Vanity Fair magazine has a scathing tell-all story on baseball's hit king Pete Rose, while ESPN Sports Center interviewed "Hollywood heart throb" Freddie Prinze Jr. The lines of power have shifted, folks. Next week, expect to see Julia Roberts profiled in Sports Illustrated and Don Zimmer on the cover of Cosmo.

And finally, a sad note from the Fistful this week. It seems as if Philadelphia Flyers General Manager Bobby Clarke and Eric Lindros will finally part ways, thus returning Lindros to the NHL and robbing the Fistful of a reliable punch-line. You know, if Darryl Strawberry ever cleans up and Scott Mitchell loses weight, I'll have nothing left for the column.

Labels: Browns, Cowboys, MLB, NFL, NHL, XFL

For the first time ever, the basketball season in Canada has extended past hockey season. Hey, at least Canada has one sport. Right now, the only thing worth watching in Florida is last year's college football tapes.

As the NBA playoffs continue, the Western Conference appears to be heading toward the inevitable Spurs-Lakers matchup. Kobe Bryant missed practice with the Lakers on Saturday, causing the media to ask everyone even remotely involved with the team if he was causing a distraction. Well, according to McDonalds commercials, Kobe doesn't even show up for pregame warmups, so you'd have to think missing practice probably won't affect him. Without practice, Kobe still scores forty-eight and the Lakers sweep out the Kings in four games.

Adding insult to injury after the sweep, Shaquille O'Neal mentioned in his postgame comments he didn't think Chris Webber would return to Sacramento next year and the Kings would be "going back to the expansionism." Dubya jokes aside here, it does seem Shaq harbors some kind of grudge against Sacramento. Did he film "Kazaam" there or something?

Charles Barkley announced this past week he will be moving in with Michael Jordan in the offseason as the two players work out for a possible comeback. Let's see, Jordan and Barkley living together for a month. If one of the networks is interested, I think we've found the middle ground between "Reality TV" and sitcom. I see it as "Boot Camp" meets "The Odd Couple" with a little bit of "Hoop Dreams" thrown in. Check out the hijinks that occur on this week's "Just Hoopin' It" when Scottie Pippen shows up to ask about a sign-and-trade deal, but accidentally gets stuck in Mr. Roper's bathroom.

Speaking of old Bulls, former occasional NBA player Dennis Rodman celebrated his fortieth birthday this week with a celebration involving two live rock concerts and an illegal helicopter landing at his Newport Beach home. Police in riot gear responded, apparently fearing that Rodman had invited his old friend Bill Lambeer over again. Really, though, at forty, Rodman should realize his life is way past "MTV Spring Break" and is perilously approaching "The E! True Hollywood Story."

Was it only two weeks ago when the world of heavyweight boxing was turned upside-down by Hasim Rahman's surprise win over Lennox Lewis? The upset win and unheralded new champion threatened to bring new excitement to boxing, until Don King once again stepped in to return the heavyweight division to normalcy. King signed Rahman, and the discussion about Rahman's next opponent ended. Tyson? Lewis? Holyfield? Some big white guy? Bet on answer "d", fight fans, pass on the next pay-per-view, and we'll get back to you next year.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays called a press conference this week to deny reports of a dispute among team owners that could threaten employee paychecks this month. They would have simply issued a press release, but no one had any change for the copy machine.

In the Dallas Morning News this past week, NFL Players Association executive director Gene Upshaw defended the salary cap, saying it was working in spite of the universal complaints about the system. He also said the salary cap works just as it was supposed to work, and he didn't think it was a bad system. He then left the interview and paid an out-of-work Trent Dilfer five bucks to wash his car.

And finally, the XFL has announced their second season has been cancelled. Experts are warning this may cause another slight drop in the ratings.

Labels: Boxing, MLB, NBA, NFL, XFL

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